Issue: February 2005
The standard model “guy” is a pretty straightforward being. When we tell our lady to shut her trap so we can watch some footie, it means just that. There are no hidden messages whatsoever. And it certainly does not mean, “Honey, now is the best time to talk about where this relationship is going.” But as we’ve stressed oh-so-many times in the pages of this very magazine, women on the other hand, are not so much into this business of being straightforward. The word “fine” for example, could mean a million and one things, and it is way better to have all your limbs chopped off by a mega-powered chainsaw than have a woman say the dreaded word to you.
So this month if your girl mutters, “We don’t really need to celebrate Valentine’s Day if you don’t want to,” don’t take it as your cue to jump for joy and spend all the cash on Star Wars Lego. Why? Because there is simply no chance in hell that she actually means it, plus it will take you forever to build one stupid Millennium Falcon.
If anything, it’s simply a test to see if you’re really the sensitive and caring dreamboat that you’ve been pretending to be, or if you’re just, well, a guy. So what do you do? If you really dig the chick – and third base is a great possibility – we recommend you sell all your worldly possessions and spend it all on that one special day. And to help your cause, we’ve got some pretty good V-Day gift ideas on pages 98 and 99. After all, third base is a pretty damn good thing.